"Persuasion is the art of guiding one's mind through a field of ignorance, misinformation, or misunderstanding to a destination where there is enough information and understanding to make a logical choice to do what is in the best interest of the person being persuaded." - Steven Scott
Undeniably, communication skills are the first skill set we must include in our arsenal of skills to take with us on our journey to success. And to me, the best communications tool box can be found in Neuro-Linguistic Programming or NLP for short.
NLP is a communication model developed by the founders Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the late 1960s and early 70s. In simplified terms, NLP is essentially a model of learning which can be used to model human thinking, behaviour and communication.
Today, NLP has proven to be phenomenally successful in many applications: training and personal development; coaching; business; sales; parenting. As Anthony Robbins, reputed to be the world's highest paid coach said, "I built my sales career from zero to become the world's best motivator by using NLP." I use NLP in my coaching, training and in every aspect of daily life.
Let's start by exploring a basic presupposition found in NLP: "The response you get is the meaning of your communication." We all know that the message we want to communicate to someone may not necessarily be received with the exact intended meaning. Along the way, many things can happen - the meaning may be distorted, certain parts may be deleted or the message itself has been generalized. The challenge is: how do we know if our message has been accurately understood?
Besides that, there is another presupposition at play: We all respond to our map of reality, not reality itself. That means that every individual has within them an internal world of meaning - a unique internal map that they use for navigating the world. So, for example, when you tell your partner that you feel love for him/her, what does that mean in his/her world as opposed to the meaning you attach to the feeling of love? If he/she associates pain and sacrifice with "love" feeling, then you are not going to get very positive response from him/her! (I'm sure all of you who have read/heard about or experienced "commitment phobia" before will know what I mean!)
With these presuppositions in mind, we can then decide which tool to use from the NLP tool-box to firstly build rapport with the person we want to communicate our message to; then to assess what his map looks like; which tool to use to communicate effectively to that person based on his map; and so on. Now that's only for effective communication.
To communicate persuasively, we then have to move that person to take action. Now for that to happen, again, there are various tools we can use based on different circumstances - as the saying goes, different strokes for different folks!
It's really such fun and almost magical when one becomes adept at using all the wonderful tools available. You wish to convince your boss to give you a well-deserved pay rise, no problem? Dread talking to that irate customer who looks ready to burst a blood vessel? No problem, you can cool him down and even turn him into the most loyal customer. Wondering how to convince your child to sit still and study for next week's examinations? You'll be amazed at how you can do that by communicating persuasively.
However, let me hastily add that NLP as a communication model is just one aspect. There is much more to NLP. Modern Psychology Magazine once called it the "most powerful vehicle for change". Change for ourselves. As Rudolf Dreikurs, author or A Parent's Guide to Child Discipline, said, "We can change our whole life and the attitude of people around us simply by changing ourselves." But that is the premise of another article, or just get a book on NLP and you can get lots of information on the subject.
